What a difference a day ( and some deep breaths) makes.

The last few days have been a bit of a struggle to keep our little ship afloat. Noah seems to be determined to get a reaction from me (by ANY means) and it has been pretty bloody exhausting to balance on the knife edge. If you have a very free spirited 3 year old, I’m sure you understand what I mean!

From spitting full on in his little sister’s face when I’m not looking, to kicking the dog and everything in-between. Honestly I haven’t been able to take my eyes off of him this week for fear of him hurting someone 😦

Yesterday I realised that maybe actually he does need me a little bit more than I thought. I spoke to a lovely helpful member of the children’s centre on Monday and she reminded me of all the things I already know, but I need to hear. 

Things like young children usually do 1 ‘good’ thing to 20 ‘naughty’ thing in a day. It’s a case of picking your battles with the 20 things, and praising the 1 thing until you are sick of your own voice. I know this, I also know that he isn’t ‘naughty’. I hate that word, I hate that it can taint a child’s view of themselves and they can end up feeling shame and turn in to a self-fulfilling prophecy. I do not want Noah to think, “they think I’m naughty and it gets me attention, it’s easier than being ‘good’.”

So I let myself stop worrying about the washing that doesn’t end and played on his trampoline with him and Oswin. He was so surprised and happy to have me there that he kept kissing me and saying I’m the best jumper ever. What more could you hope for? 

Today I woke up ready to be the positive and gentle parent I want to be. I don’t want to be the mum who says no just out of habit and to hurry him because I think he’s taking too long. Today I tried again and will no doubt loose my temper and have to try again another day. The thing is, today, I had an observer. I had my family friend’s daughter with me, she is 11 but wise beyond her years and a fantastic help with little ones. 

Today she said to me, after a whole day of seeing how I talk to my kids and how I deal with their demands and tantrums, “you are such a happy person, you’re like sunshine”. She said I don’t let noah get to me and I don’t get tough when they don’t listen to me and I’m not at all like her mum. 

To begin with I did the are you mad? Laugh. I had no idea why she thought I was so happy when I feel like I am in my own little anxiety filled storm cloud most days. But then I looked back through the many points in my day where I have had to battle with Noah, break up fights in soft play and deal with winnie constantly trying to undress me whist shouting “boobies, Yeh, boobies?” in public. I realised that actually I was pretty calm, we dealt with each issue without shouting or threats. We made races out of getting in the car or putting shoes on and had the ‘one more play’ before we left the playground. Noah didn’t fight me, I spoke to him like a very clever child, not a naughty toddler and he responded brilliantly.

 I’m not saying this always works but God it’s nice to be told I’m doing OK. Even if it is by an 11 year old! 
I’m goin to do my best to ignore the behaviour I know only appears when he is tired or wants my attention and flood him with praise and attention as much as I can from now on. It’s hard work but jesus, arguing with a 3 year old takes years off your life I’m sure! They do not back down. 

We have walked in the common, made a bed outside and have eaten quite a lot of popcorn. They were both asleep by 8 without a battle and I don’t feel like crying. Let’s see what we can get up to tomorrow! 

Anxiety sucks! 

They melt my heart ♥. 

On days like today when my anxiety is so high that it is just making me feel angry and the slightest thing is turning me in to a shouty mummy, I know I need to appreciate moments like this so much more. 

I have no car today, no plans and get to just enjoy these two by myself. For a few minutes I feel greatful for that but then the next I just want to run away. 

Why does anxiety like to make you just not appreciate anything you have or special moments? 

It doesn’t help that I really haven’t slept for a couple of nights but I think maybe I will try and persuade Noah to watch the new #iceage so I can close my eyes for a bit 😴. #siblings #capturethemoment #makingmemories #garden #naptime #brotherandsister #mummyblogger #mumblog #parentblogger #parenting  #pblog 

Just a little bit of spring…

For the last week or so I have slept less than I did with a newborn. Oswin’s croupy cough has kept her and me awake pretty much all night and I am officially a zombie. If you spoke to me at all this week you would think I had taken something, it’s just not fun. 

So yesterday when I had the day with Oswin at home with Noah at nursery, I decided I was going to get all the washing done, sort my blog out, do the washing up mountain and then play with Oswin.

Looking back at this I feel like saying “bless you” in a very condescending voice with a slight laugh. Honestly Noah is at nursery until 3:30, I managed to put one lot of nappies in the wash and make myself a tea… Then Oswin decided I had nothing better to do, so I was stuck under her asleep for 2 hours. If it wasn’t for the fact I hadn’t eaten and desperately needed a wee, I would have been OK! 

I eventually had to go and get Noah from nursery, thankfully it was so lovely and sunny that when we got home I could just let him play in the garden. I love seeing him ride up and down on his many (too many) bikes, cars and scooters. Oswin was desperate to get out so I put the blanket on the grass and gave them a snack each. I had the thought of, oo they are happy for a moment so I can get the washing out or reply to an email! But instead I picked my phone up and took the quick photo above. I then put my phone down and went and sat with my babies in the sun. 

This may seem like a normal thing to some people but I seem to struggle sometimes to appreciate playing and perfect moments with my little ones. This was definitely one of those. I definitely went to bed feeling warm and fuzzy last night knowing I didn’t let anything get in the way of a spontaneous picmic (Noah’s term) with my rapidly growing babies. 

Obviously it didn’t last as a ‘picture perfect’ moment as instantly Oswin decided to throw blackberries at me and use her plate as a steering wheel, Noah burst out laughing, nearly choked then joined in with the mini food fight. It was still a moment I will remember as spring arriving though, Oswin was able to crawl around the grass for the first time without getting wet knees and Noah said he needed sun Glasses. 

I am feeling somewhat inspired to get my Nikon out and take some beautiful spring photos of them tomorrow and actually welcome spring. I hope spring brought with it some inspiration or uplifting for everyone else! Get outside everyone! X

Is #bluesclues vintage yet? We were given lots of these books from our lovely neighbour and Noah loves them! We have moved on from #theresanouchinmypouch! Ahh bedtime… Where’s the wine 🍷! #winetime #bedtime #bedtimestories #mummyblogger #pblog #parenting #siblings #rememberingthesedays #our_everyday_moments #worldoflittles