Being a mum is bloody tough, no one tells you that you give so much more of yourself than just your body and sleep. In the parenting books it tells you basically how to keep a small person alive and if you read more, then you can also teach them sign language and to build rocket ships and stuff. All super helpful and positive. What the books don’t tell you is that you will most likely completely forget who you are and how to look after yourself. These books and advice, you only look for when you have hit the need for them. How many mum’s google, ‘why am I so angry?’ or ‘is it ok to not like my kids today/this week/at all?’ it seems that there is quite a few of us that have anxiety or depression and no one in the big wild world knows because we are so good and putting on the happy mum face or putting the “I’m just tired” plaster on it. I know at the moment that I am not ok, I know that I feel physically beaten up when I argue with Noah or Winnie won’t stop screaming and wanting milk. My head hurts, my chest feels tight and I feel dizzy. Physical effects of a mental health condition that there is so little information on unless you know to search for it. I wouldn’t change my babies for the world but at the moment I am not dealing with this stage of Parenthood brilliantly. I don’t want to be angry, avoid playing with them or feel too tired to be the mum they deserve. I hope talking about this today gives me the moment of clarity that I need to make some time for myself. Do some Pilates and breath for a few minutes a day and find a bit of peace that I can go back to in moments where there isn’t any, do something creative and try to find the happy in the worst times.