Kon Mari?

So after feeling like the house is shrinking and in desperate need to make some space, I read a little about the kon Marie method of decluttering. It seemed to be exactly what I needed as generally clearing out ends in me keeping stuff ‘just in case’. This just leads to cupboards full of shoes that are uncomfortable after 5 minutes, clothes I’m never going to wear again (but don’t want to throw away) and about 3 tons of baby clothes for no real reason except being sentimental!

So with Kon Mari you start with clothes (holy moly, all the clothes!). You put everything in the middle of the room and pick up each item and decide if it brings you joy. If the answer is no, then you put it in the pile to donate/sell/throw away, depending on the condition.

I decided that my clothes would be a bit of a challenge to start in an afternoon so I started small and attacked noah’s room. I pulled everything (even newly folded clothes, sorry matt) on to the floor and sorted through. I kept everything I like seeing him in and threw everything that was bobbled, discoloured, oddly shaped or stained. This eliminated basically all of the clothes that make me cringe when matt gets him dressed. Matt has a thing about noah wanting to be comfy, I keep telling him this doesn’t need to mean scruffy!

It took a couple of hours to sort through his clothes and then put them back in an organised way but it made me smile to look in his wardrobe and not see things shoved in. I even folded his pj’s in sets and made him a little den under his bed. I can’t garuntee it will look like that for long but let’s hope it will last a few days at least.

It’s given me a massive urge to clear everything out of this house that hasn’t been looked at for months, or is being kept for ‘just Incase". I think if I feel that good after one room then I could possibly feel like I’m on drugs if I clear the whole house!

I think the idea of only keeping things that bring you joy is such a simple but lovely idea. Clothes that no longer fit just remind you that you have put on weight. Shoes that are uncomfortable are just frustrating and painful! Why keep negative things? I think since having babies i cherish space and quiet moments. In a house full of clutter and useless objects and every bit of storage full, it makes my brain feel full and like I never actually get to have this moment of peace.

Moving on to my clothes today hopefully! Wish me luck! Xx

Realising for the millionth time that these two are what matters but also that means looking after mummy!

I think having a good knowledge of mental health (previous experience and a degree) has helped me to keep bad thoughts and low times at bay so far with two little people.
I do my best to help others around me, even when I can’t fight to help myself that day. If my sisters, mum, uncle, babies or matt need me, I’m there without a second thought.
OK sometimes a second thought of ; “Is it acceptable in this situation to be wearing pajamas and or a bra”. But beyond that, I’m there with a smile. This takes it’s toll I guess on top of a milk monster and a very jealous and clever toddler all day.

I think this week I broke, not as in gave in, I mean actually broke like needed to be reset and possibly updated? Im not sure where I’m going with that analogy but something computery that wasn’t turning off and on (there’s no time for that business at the moment!!). Any way…

So I was a bit psycho yesterday and I think I scared my mum and Matt a bit, egg shells were well and truly being stepped on from the moment someone spoke to me in the morning. I just felt angry all day and like nothing was good or ever going to be again. I didn’t exactly have a reason I don’t think but in hindsight, everything just got too much and Jessie got lost!
I can’t remember the last time I did anything for myself or even how to just relax my shoulders! It isn’t a good feeling, everything was just making it worse except my mum and sister reminding me about an exercise class I mentioned months ago.

So I phoned and booked it to be told it was currently empty but if I didn’t mind a 1 on 1 then it’s OK to come along. At this point I felt quite numb and didn’t really care about being a wobbly (possibly crying) mess infront of a toned and mentally stable instructor.

Positive… positive… positive

So I had a long, hot and toddler free bath (woop woop!!). Who knew baths without other people in it were so nice! Normally there is nearly enough legs in my bath to be a spider!
I sorted my slightly green hair out and watched Jane the virgin until I couldn’t stand to be in there any longer. I went to sleep trying to not let anxiety get the better of me about the class and thankfully Oswin stayed in her own bed all night which gave me a much needed break from feeling like a pregnant kangaroo.

I think today was meant to happen to be honest. I met the instructor who was just too lovely and understood everything I told her about how I was feeling physically and about my condition which massively contributes to feeling weak and unbalanced. We ended up having an hour or so long personal session which was amazing and she knew exactly what I needed to work on to build my stamina and strength up after two babies.

I feel like I have a bit of a path to follow after this, I have no intention of starting a gym inspiration blog don’t worry, but maybe a few posts showing it is OK to feel like the world just doesn’t get you and maybe it’s also OK to have good days!

I have been very vague with how I have felt recently but I muddle through when things are bad and always find a way to rationalise and fight through (thanks cbt and a very overpriced psychology degree!!). I have these tools in my bag, I’m grateful for them, but yesterday I lost the bag.
I have felt gradually worse and not wanting to get up in the morning which sucks. I genuinely felt worried that I didn’t care that winnie was crying, I just wanted her to be quiet and didn’t take time go figure out what was wrong. That was scary, I never want to feel like that again. I’m going to do my best to notice next time and get out of it. My little ones deserve the best mummy and I desperately want to be that. Sometimes though, that means taking a step back and not trying to be super mum.

Yes the kitchen looked like a scene from 28 days later and no I didn’t put any of the 1000 tons of washing in, but no-one died, the kitchen is now tidy (and filled with food), washing is on and I haven’t stopped kissing my babies all day.

Even when noah put a whole toilet roll in the toilet and blocked it, I went to ask him why he did it and he put his hand up to me and said “look, don’t get grumpy” and gave me a huge cuddle and a kiss. Honestly he’s not even 3, where did he get that! Bloody genius child, he didn’t get told off and I couldn’t stop laughing. Kids are the best if you just let them in.

Wow it’s late, why am I not asleep like everyone else!
Thanks for reading! Good night everyone! X

I’m not sure who is snoring louder and yes that’s my clothes mountain in the background, but what a view.

I still can’t believe we made this small human or that I am lucky enough to have this big human 😊

Ah sleep is needed I’m getting way to emotional and deep!

You couldn’t make it up

So today started with good intentions. I was going to bake lots of yummy cakes, mince pies and brownies for tomorrow. My biggest worry at the time was that Oswin wouldn’t want me to put her down. Then I heard from my mum that my lovely big sister had been struggling during the night with her little miss Aisla, not letting her get any sleep. Once I knew her husband wasn’t going to be in today or this evening I couldn’t let her be home alone.

I picked lizzie and Aisla up to rescue them and bring them to ours to relax (ha!) and by that time we needed to eat so I drove towards home without realising we didn’t actually stop to get food. Bloody brains, we were not working with all cylinders firing! So I drove 10 miles past our house to get macdonalds, which of course on approach realised it was closed for refurbishment. So the drive took us further out to kcf, lizzie laughing but also greatful for my brilliant knowledge of local food and places to park and eat it (thanks kids!)

Then we attempted asda for the ‘quick’ shop that I had planned earlier. This ended up taking an hour or so with what was pretty much a mini marathon worth of walking up and down every Isle as I kept remembering different things and feeling ridiculously incompetent at a very simple task. Once again ending with one baby (this time Aisla needing feeding in the car)

Once we got home we managed to muddle through the toddler tantrum and eat dinner. Noah on the other hand managed to kill the TV. Funnily enough hitting the screen repeatedly actually can damage it, who knew! So now we have this great new feature of a 5 inch wide white line down the middle of the screen. It’s almost Christmas so naturally something expensive had to break!

Thinking “what a crap day” was then met by the cat pooing in noah’s bed. Not fun and my partner now wants the cats head on a pole. I thought I better go get some beer or chocolate or sedative of some kind before we all loose the plot, Co op seemed a good bet.

Every calmed after that and I forgot about the now unwatchable TV for a while! My mum went to take lizzie home but lizzie left her bag in the living room so she crawled across the room to get it (recently cleaned carpet and she had boots on) unfortunately this backfired massively as she knocked the beer glass over the recently cleaned carpet whilst trying desperately not to get her shoes on it. Thankfully after a glass of wine and feeling proud of not spilling it I wasn’t too bothered!

Last but not least 30 minutes after mum and lizzie left to go home, someone walks in the door, I expected it to be my mum, and lizzie walks in and says I forgot my coat and my house keys are in it. They were almost there and had to come back.

Honestly if you are having one of these days, please know this is more regular for us than we would like to think! It makes you appreciate the days when you only get an explosive nappy!

For you lizzie 😘 x