So after the most difficult week of being an adult (and parent) I chose to put myself first today and went out for lunch with my mum. Whenever we have days off we don’t relax and end up more tired the next day, so today we had a child free (still had the tiny lady) lunch.

I’m not sure why (maybe the week of constant arguing with noah) but I went straight for the cocktail menu instead of food! And to my surprise I ordered a strawberry daiquiri! At midday!!! On a Monday!!!! You know it’s been a tough week when that happens.

It was so nice to not have to share it with a toddler who most definitely spits in all drinks he shares.

It was also pretty amazing to come home to find he had used his new steps to the big boy toilet, yay slowing getting out of Nappies! Ah how I hate them!

Also bed before midnight is pretty dreamy 😴 xx

Getting there

So the last 24 hours have been fun! I’ve gone from feeling like I just want to cry and feeling quite lonely with a very difficult toddler and 8 week old who I just want to sit and adore to feeling like OK let’s do this parenting thing!

Yesterday started crappy and I couldn’t see my mood lifting, thankfully I have an amazing sister (1 of 2) who invited me and little ones to go strawberry picking. So the challenge of getting noah out of the house began! It took about an hour and we managed it and only a few minutes late. He loved it and having his aunty and uncle around lifted both his and my mood. We still began the car journey by saying sorry to eachother for being grumpy!

The rest of the day then went OK and little man was in bed at a decent time so my mum, my sister and me got time to have a ‘put the world in order’ conversation. This ranged from my mum telling us she wanted to walk down the Isle to ‘boogie wondeland’ yep you read it right. She was adamant that it was that song and the priest wouldn’t allow it, turns out she actually meant a much calmer, less disco crazy song by the same band but it was hilarious to picture my mum strutting her disco stuff down the Isle. The conversion also covered serious parenty stuff like routine and having a bit more trust in noah to behave.

This ended in noah having free reign this morning to get out of his room and come up stairs to me and his sister at 6am instead of waiting to be let out of his room. This worked, we were up, dressed and had eaten breakfast by 7:40. A massive achievement in our house. Winnie is 8 weeks and so far my mum or parter has gotten up with noah to give me a few minutes to get myself and her sorted.

I loved having time to talk everything through with my mum and sister, I’m not sure where I would be without them. Everything seems a bit easier to manage when we have talked everything through and made a million mini plans.

Today still didn’t go exactly to plan, we still ended up shouting and we even had a nap that was way to late in the day to now have a normal bedtime! But it’s OK!

Today I carried Noah in the Tula for the first time in a really long time! Being pregnant with Winnie and generally a feeble mess since then meant he was just too heavy (and he is almost half the size of me!) I decided to take him for a ‘tula cuddle’ to calm him down a bit before bed as he was just getting too crazy for my liking.

I adore how his face lit up when he saw me putting the tula on, it has been such a long time since it was just me and him without a bump or a little sister. He happily jumped up and gave me a cuddle.
We just went for a little walk around the block, sang some songs and I silently resented how big he suddenly is.

I said I love you so much and he looked at me, squeezed me with his suddenly strong arms and said “I love you soo much mummy”, he did a little sigh of relief and put his head on my chest. I had to stop myself from being a big emotional mess and crying. Where has my little baby gone!?

I looked through Facebook and found lots of photos of our baby wearing journey, it is by no means nearing it’s end but it has certainly slowed down. I will carry him forever in many ways but for now the most obvious one will be in his day of the dead tula, while he will still allow it.

It’s OK to not want to kiss goodbye

http://everydayfeminism.com/2016/05/teaching-consent-doesnt-matter/

Reading this article on teaching consent made me think several things. 1 now that I have a daughter I need to make sure she is brave enough to say no and to not let her grow up thinking that is it not OK to feel uncomfortable or sexualised. 2 having a son I need to make sure he does not become this type of person, I need to teach him no is enough to stop something happening. 3 let him know it is OK if he doesn’t want to kiss someone good bye or give cuddles, we need to pay more attention to his body language and his choices as his parents, if we don’t who will?
It is never too early to ask your little ones permission to touch them, watching a video on baby massage earlier today, you ask permission using a familiar hand gesture and they learn that they can refuse the massage. If they show discomfort you should stop the massage to teach them they have the right to not be touched from day one. This is a very early introduction to self awareness and it is a brilliant first step.

What a day!

So except from busting in to tears, finding a cupboard to hide in or running away, what do you do on a day like today? When you are already emotionally drained, physically exhausted, sleep deprived and generally a wreck?

Personally I keep going. I realised this morning that there would be no let up today, no saviour was coming so it was down to me to be responsible for these two little beings as it was intended. I had my almost 6 week old winnie attached to me all night making it impossible to sleep because I was clearly more comfortable than her cot. I also had my ‘long lost dog’ in bed with me for the first time in 6 months. It is a very long story as to why after 8 years of being my little shadow that she no longer lives with me but just know that it was emotionally draining seeing her last night and getting to cuddle her was amazing.

So a night of very odd over tired emotions made for a very difficult start to today. I was looking forward to dropping noah off at his childminders and then taking a few hours to sit and cuddle and gaze lovingly at my sweet little winnie. However after finally having something to eat, just a short while later I was called to pick noah up as he has the dreaded chicken pox! So that was that, the rest of the day, until now, I haven’t sat down or stopped feeling like I might burst!

Winnie has been stuck to me all day just wanting me and no one else appears to comfort her. I had one redeeming activity that I couldn’t wait for, a simple hair cut this evening, and I had to cancel it as couldn’t bear to leave her.

So on to another day tomorrow home alone with a poxy unreasonable toddler who is nothing less than a tornado or cave man, a baby who is perfectly cuddly but I can’t even go for a wee and it’s my partners birthday. So far he has an unwrapped present and a card made by noah today. Here’s to hoping I am able to pop out tomorrow for a few precious moments to get him a car, wrapping paper and something nice to make for breakfast!!

Wish me luck! X